Focus

After I had my first baby I had severe postpartum depression. It was probably one of the darkest years in my life.  I remember looking around at everyone else who just had babies and they were so happy! They had this glow and radiance about them. However I did not, I had dark bags under my eyes, I was crying all the time and I really don’t remember being happy.  It had nothing to do with my son, I loved my son dearly, it was me.  I had some people give me advice on “what was wrong with me” some said I was just “stressed,” “just tired,” others even called it a “luxury” to have this.  A luxury it was not. It almost felt like a punishment that’s the only way to describe it. 

I remember sitting in the house and watching The Rachel Ray show and they were talking about postpartum depression. The girl who was being interviewed was describing her symptoms and a light bulb went off to me. I said “oh no! I think I have that.”  I remember I tried to seek some counsel from friends and family.  But if you have never battled that giant you really don’t know how to handle it.  However at that time I was too ashamed to go to the doctor and I took the advice I was given from family and friends.  I had people give me advice that should not have been advising me, to tell you the truth.  I tried to implement some of the suggestions that I was given and it just didn't seem to help.  I had individuals giving me there armor to wear to fight my battles and it didn't fit me. I looked around and all I had was a couple stones to fight my battle against what felt like a giant. I felt helpless. I felt alone. I felt afraid. I felt defeated. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is David and Goliath. This story is actually what helped me though the battle of postpartum depression (with all three kids).  When David was about to fight the Giant king Saul came to him and told him to use his armor because he had the best. But, David did something that was so amazing.  He put it on and he tried to walk around in it and he realized that he couldn't wear it because it didn't fit.  It worked well for Saul because it was customized to fit him.  David then said to Saul that fighting with a sword may have worked for you but let me fight the giant my way.  Saul agreed and David fought the giant with the sling shot and took him down with one stone to the forehead. You see, what I find so amazing, is not that David took down a giant with a sling shot. But, he didn't focus on the great problem that he was facing.  He focused on greater he focused on the Lord.  Saul, was only focused on the obstacle and the enormity of the opposition. However; David did not deny reality, he just selected on what he would give his attention to. David decided that focusing on the giant would not benefit him in anyway. So he shifted his focus, because he realized that no matter how big the giant is. God is BIGGER! (1 Samuel 17)

There’s a huge lesson from this story that I think often times we miss. When were faced with a battle of any kind we have a tendency to soul focus on the problem.  It doesn't matter how large the opposition is God is bigger. So instead of focusing on great, focus on greater, instead of focusing on big, focus on bigger, instead of focusing on the problem focus on the problem solver, because he will bring you victory. If you focus on the wrong thing you will be overwhelmed, you will be filled with anxiety, you will be overcome.  But if you select your attention and focus on God you will say what Abraham said when he was given a son at old age “is there anything too hard for God” (Genesis 18:14) And the answer to that is NO.  

When I was in my darkest hours of the depression I was only focused on the problem, I was only focused on how I was going to get through it. But when I read this story I realized that I was concentrating on the wrong thing. So I shifted my attention on the Lord and let me tell you every time he brought me through.  If we only center on our giants we will already be defeated and we can’t use someone else’s armor and tactics to fight our battles.  However; we have to use God tactics. He saved Daniel from the lion’s den and he certainly can guide us in battling our Giants.  Focus on the Great I am. Not on the great obstacle.